


No Guarantees

by shealynn88



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Musician Dean Winchester, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, They love each other so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 19:45:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19157731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shealynn88/pseuds/shealynn88
Summary: Dean finds him.  Unerringly.  Always straight to him, magnetic.  They can’t seem to stop doing this to each other.





	No Guarantees

Cas watches Dean from the doorway. He’s beautiful. He’s _always_ beautiful. Gives that smile like the flame of a candle - light that only gets brighter, the more he flashes it around. Winks and nods, and every recipient feels _seen_. 

Cas has been the recipient so many times. They’ve tried this. So many times. And every time, it’s gone down in flames.

He loves Dean. No question of that. But they’re too much alike, or not enough - at turns pulling each other apart, then too close to know where one stops and the other begins. It’s an addiction and Cas wants there to be another way, but they haven’t found it yet.

Dean speaks low into the microphone, takes a sip of water and lifts a hand before setting Baby, his black-top Hummingbird, back in her stand and stepping off the stage for a break.

Dean finds him. Unerringly. Always straight to him, magnetic. They can’t seem to stop doing this to each other.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Cas says when Dean leans in, and Dean just presses their cheeks together with a rueful laugh.

“It never is.” Heat rises, and it’s just like it’s always been. Just like Hell. Just like Heaven. 

“Love you,” Cas whispers, and it’s been true forever. It doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, but it’s true. He can at least say that.

“Always,” Dean whispers, and then he smiles a sad smile and looks away. “I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s not a good idea.”

No one else takes him apart like this. 

Cas loves people. He loves people who make him coffee, who give up their seat on the subway, who smile at him unexpectedly, who stop to watch a puppy. He _loves_. It’s what he does. It’s what he was made for. He doesn’t discriminate, and he’s happy loving Dean without expectation and finding connections with other people, too.

He knows they can’t be together, that it’s not good for either of them like this. But it’s never been like this with anyone else. He can’t imagine that it will be. He’s trying to learn how not to miss it.

“How are you?” he asks, because he wants to know, truly.

“I’m all right,” Dean says. “I’m…things have changed.” He’s quieter. Softer.

“For the good, I hope,” Cas says, and he means it, no matter what it means for him. Who Dean is to him is so much less important to Cas than how he is.

Dean kisses him softly on the cheek. “My next set’s starting.” He fumbles something into Cas’s hand before he steps away.

Cas watches him all the way back to the stage. Watches him pick up Baby and strum a few chords to check the tuning. Dean moves into the next song and it’s the last song he sang to Cas on the bed they shared. Before it ended again.

_I never asked you to stay_  
_But you were there anyway_  
_I fought so hard to be someone new_  
_But in the end, I could never live up to you_

Cas feels tears sting his eyes, just as he did then.

He looks down at what Dean gave him, flips it in the low light of the club. A coin with a three in the center and a triangle around it. 

Three months sober.

He waits until the end of the set, ignores the tears.

When Dean makes his way back, Cas murmurs, “Thank you,” against Dean’s ear, and pushes the coin back into his hand. “For sharing that. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you. For believing,” Dean says softly.

He does. Always has. Always believed that Dean could do it when he decided to.

He knows his belief guarantees nothing.

“Do you…want to meet up sometime?” He’s not sure he’s ready. Not sure Dean is. But he’s willing to try.

Dean smiles and ducks his head. “Not yet, Cas. I gotta get this figured out, you know?”

And that give Cas more hope than he’s had for a long time.

“Whatever you need,” he says, and he means it.


End file.
